just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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