Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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