I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
