I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
