Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
