It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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