3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
