I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
