Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My ass is underappreciated
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