im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
