My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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