I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
