I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
