youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
why is half of my head shaved?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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