I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
