whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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