I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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