I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
