I think my vagina is haunted
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
