i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
