someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
