Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
