using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
