Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm just crazy horny about you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
