so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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