in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
