I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
