Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
