based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
