I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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