i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
