Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
