I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
