Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
