Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
