You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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