True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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