PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
