puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
