He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
