i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
