i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
