If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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