can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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