i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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