I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
