I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think people are normalizing furries
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
