shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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