Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
