Non-Jews are for practice
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize