I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
